If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “Why do I always end up with the same type of person?” just know this: you’re not cursed, broken, or doomed.
You’re simply human. And your brain has been quietly running the same emotional software on repeat.
This isn’t about blaming yourself for past relationships or skipping into toxic positivity with “everything happens for a reason.”
This is about understanding the extraordinary truth:
you are biologically wired to re-create what feels familiar, even when it’s not what you want.
And once you understand the brain science behind your patterns, you can change them. Completely. And ultimately stop attracting the same relationships, when you want something new.
Let’s get into it.
Your Brain Isn’t Choosing “Your Type”….. It’s Choosing What Feels Familiar
We love to think we’re rational when it comes to dating. We’re not.
The brain’s job is to predict what’s safe, not what’s good for your long-term emotional wellbeing.
Your Reticular Activating System (RAS), the brain’s filtering system, seeks out what it already recognises.
If chaos, intensity, hot-and-cold behaviour, or emotionally distant partners once felt normal, your brain quietly tags those qualities as “aligned with expectations.”
Not good.
Not healthy.
Not desirable.
Just familiar.
And familiar feels safe to the brain — even when it hurts your heart.
This is why people often say things like:
“I knew he wasn’t right for me, but something just clicked.”
That “click” was not chemistry.
It was neural familiarity.
But here’s the empowering part:
neural familiarity can be rewired.
Manifestation Isn’t Magic: It’s Attention + Identity + Action
Before you roll your eyes, this isn’t the “just visualise your soulmate” rhetoric.
I’m talking about manifestation in the Futureality sense:
a neuroscience-backed process of training your brain to expect, seek, and choose differently.
Here’s the blend of science + manifestation most people never hear:
- Your RAS notices what you repeatedly imagine or emotionally rehearse.
- Your identity determines what your brain believes is “for you.”
- Your behaviours follow your beliefs, consciously or not.
So when you repeatedly attract the same relationship dynamic, you’re not manifesting failure.
You’re manifesting your current identity.
And when you shift that identity, even by a few degrees, your romantic patterns shift with it.
Why You Keep Choosing the Same Story in a Different Body
Let’s break down the three main neurological loops that drive repeated relationship patterns:
- The Prediction Loop
Your brain loves patterns because patterns feel safer than the unknown.
If your nervous system learned early that love = inconsistency or effort = worthiness, your brain predicts that as the “right” template.
- The Dopamine Loop
Inconsistency creates spikes of dopamine.
This is why emotionally unavailable partners can feel intoxicating, your brain becomes hooked on the possibility of connection.
- The Identity Loop
You won’t choose partners who contradict the identity you currently believe about yourself.
If part of you believes you must earn love, fix people, or settle, your brain will quietly steer you toward those dynamics.
The good news?
Identity is the easiest thing to rewire.
How to Break the Pattern Using Future Self Work
Here’s where the science meets the magic.
Writing to your Future Self, especially your Future In-Love Self, forces your brain to create a new internal template for what love feels like.
Neuroscience shows that expressive writing:
- Increases activity in the prefrontal cortex (decision-making)
- Reduces emotional reactivity
- Helps the brain create new cognitive associations
- Strengthens future-self continuity (the psychological link between present and future you)
When you write a Futureality letter describing the version of you who chooses differently, your brain begins searching for evidence to support it.
Your RAS updates.
Your identity strengthens.
Your choices shift.
This isn’t fantasy.
It’s neuroplasticity.
A Simple Practice to Start Today
Here’s a Futureality-style prompt that rewires attraction patterns in real time:
Write a message to your Future In-Love Self and answer:
- What kind of love feels grounding, not exhausting?
- How does your ideal relationship treat your nervous system?
- Who are you becoming that naturally chooses better?
- What does “safe, secure, and reciprocal” actually look like in daily life?
This one exercise changes your internal template more than any “must text them this” dating advice ever will.
Because when you shift what your brain recognises as safe…
your entire romantic world changes with it.
You’re not attracting the same relationships because you’re flawed.
You’re attracting them because your brain is doing its best with the patterns it learned.
But you’re not stuck with those patterns.
You can update them, rewire them, and choose differently, with awareness, intention, and a Future Self who leads you forward. Ultimately enabling you to talk to anybody that the future you desires to attract.
Your past isn’t running the show anymore.
Your brain, and your next relationship, belong to the you that you’re becoming.
Start writing your letter now
